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boxing kitten

Don't think twice, it's alright.

My parents are off delivering Grampa safely back to Pittsford, and I've just come back from grabbing some things from my ex-apartment. The outlook is bleak.

it was a fine day today, I got some great books, and the things I gave people will enjoy. I'm not in a place where I can feel any of the Christmas magic though. Pretty much I was glad that I could hold myself together. Yesterday I distressed my mom because I kept going upstairs to cry. She wants me to be at peace, and I don't know when that will be. Having everything out of my old apartment, and finally feeling settled in here will go a long ways towards that. I don't know how to do this any differently. Sometimes I tell myself that I'm traveling because that explains the lack of any safe space, the missing distractions that I can normally calm myself with.

Ok - you know what? There's this stuff called Rescue Remedy. It's made of essences from flowers, and there's no good scientific reason it should work but it does. There's some other stuff that's happened recently at work, and I had been having panic attacks about going to work, and it HELPED. HUGELY. There's my advertisement of the day.

I'm listening to a CD my dad made for me. It's a copy of a record that I used to listen to over and over and over and over when I was little. Since it's a record, and record players are in museums these days, I haven't heard it in a very long time. Oh - Who is it? Well, that's kind of the embarassing part - it's a recording of a Pete Seeger/Arlo Guthrie concert. I might be a hippie at heart.

I finished a book trilogy yesterday by Phillip Pullman. It's written for children but all the way through I found that hard to believe. The story follows a girl named Lyra, and Lyra has a daemon (more of a familiar). Everyone in her world does, as children the daemons can change shape, and they settle into one kind of animal as their person becomes a grownup. Lyra meets someone from what is kind of our world, and it's shocking to her that the boy Will doesn't have a daemon. It turns out, in the end, that everyone has one; it's just that in our world they're invisible inside us. Each person's daemon says something about them - like someone with a dog is likely to be a servant.

This is NOT my way of coming out as a furry. However, I have been thinking about what my daemon might take form as. A rabbit maybe.


It's even wackier to me that it would work well on cats and humans, but I've heard that as well. I've been using the spray (which tastes like a fine port) but it comes in other forms as well - easy to slip into kitty food.

I did get your Christmas card, and it was a bright spot in a rough day. Thank you so much for that.

Let me send you the trilogy (once I find them all - I'm pretty sure the boxes are the ones on the top of the pile). I LOVED them - so much. Maybe a little bit because the idea of having a daemon is so attractive to me right now, but they're really well written as well.

One thing I'm clear on is that once I've settled in here, I can't stick my hand under the sand - so I may just take you up on an offer to visit. :)
It would be a ton of fun! - and it looks like I'll have weekends off on a more regular basis. Let me just get my finances straightened out and my car inspected and stuff. :P
boxing kitten

July 2007

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